Birth Story!

First off, this is going to be somewhat long, so please, if you don't want to know certain details or if you are looking for a quick sugar-coated birth story you should probably skip this one.

I had an inkling that our little babe was going to be early.  I don't know why, exactly, I just felt like around week 34 my body just started getting ready.  Everyone told us, "oh, you're a first time mom, your body may take several weeks getting ready," and of course I was like, "thanks but I know my body pretty well," and hoped for the best.

A few weeks ago I just felt like babe had moved into place and my body was starting to prepare for her birth.  I just didn't give a shit anymore, I had literally no energy for dumb questions or small talk or inefficient anything. My attitude was unless this impacts me or my baby right now, I don't care. My body was done, too. I was constantly exhausted and not really getting any sleep.  And anytime I did anything active I would get these super annoying  Braxton-Hicks contractions that made moving around a little extra difficult.  My hips hurt, my back hurt, and I had to pee every 20 minutes. I am sure I was an absolute joy to be around.

One of the days during my 35th week I went to the bathroom as usual and got quite the surprise when I looked down and saw a giant wad of what looked like snot.  Seriously, it looked like a giant had blown their nose on my toilet paper... just a giant gooey snot ball.  Ah, this must be my mucus plug I thought.  I knew that didn't mean a whole lot as you can lose them over time or all at once and they can regenerate but I also figured that it meant something was happening.

At my check ups everything was looking good, they kept checking her position and saying "we think she's head down!", but it wasn't until my 36 week appointment that they ordered a quick ultrasound just to make sure.  Sure enough, she was in a pretty good head down position.  This is also the week I stopped doing my normal exercises because I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE and tired that I felt like it wasn't worth the effort. Hey, I tried, and I think I did pretty well making it all the way to week 36 and staying active.  Short walks were still on the schedule, though, as they actually felt good.

The day after my 36 week check up I had some pretty gnarly contractions with mild low back pain (similar to mild menstrual cramps) and ended up going in late to work because I couldn't finish getting dressed.  I did all the things they tell you to do- drink a big glass of water, sit down and rest, lay down on your left side, etc. They weren't regular or severe, just really uncomfortable, but they ended up easing up enough so I could  go about my day.  I definitely let our doula team  know just in case, but to me this was a practice round and I felt like my body was doing a quick test run.

Week 37 felt like I was dying.  I only slept 2-3 hours per night so I felt l like a zombie most days.  I would go to bed just fine and then  a couple hours into sleep I'd be so uncomfortable I'd wake up and then be awake for the rest of the night- unable to find a way to get comfortable again.  I watched a lot of random late night TV and early morning/East Coast news shows.   I had my 37 week appointment on a Wednesday, all was still good and they gave me a bunch of paperwork to take home and sign to, in theory, bring to my next appointment so we didn't have to do any intake forms when I went into labor (all the standard medical release stuff).  I took it all home, signed and dated everything, and then we met up with some friends for a lovely sushi dinner at our favorite local spot.

The next day I felt a little off, but chalked it up to having not slept very well again.  I went to work and had a few meetings and things I was trying to wrap up before the next week as that was when I planned to start my leave (at my office you can take the 2 weeks before your due date off, so of course I decided that was a great idea and wanted to take full advantage of the extra time off at home).  I had a quick meeting that morning with my boss to let him know where I was with wrapping a few things up, and then I was supposed to meet Mr for lunch.

I say supposed to meet him for lunch because this is where things got interesting;  I ran to the restroom before starting on a new project at my desk  and was met with a surprise.  I peed like normal, but then as I reached for the toilet paper I felt a warm gush of SOMETHING coming from what I could definitely tell was not my urethra.  I looked down in the bowl and saw some clearish-pink tinted liquid and thought OH! That's definitely my water breaking!  I sat on the toilet for another minute to see if any more was going to come out but decided that one quick gush was probably it.  I definitely put a maxi pad in place for any additional leaks and made my way back to my desk to gather my stuff.  I called Rian as I packed up and asked, "Hey, have you left the house yet?  Because I don't think you need to meet me for lunch!"

Of course I could hear his moment of realization before he responded, so I quickly added, "Don't panic, I'm pretty sure my water broke so I'm coming home.  I am not experiencing any crazy contractions... we have plenty of time."

I drove home in a state of excitement and mild anxiety.  Once I got home I messaged our doula team and our midwives to let them know what was happening.  Of course they all said we probably had plenty of time since I wasn't having noticeable contractions or any indication that active labor was near and to just rest and stay hydrated and well fed and to check in if anything changed.  We spent the rest of Thursday afternoon doing chores around the house- laundry, dishes, a few final things in the nursery, double checking the "go" bag for all necessary items, and making sure the car seat was installed correctly.  In the evening my contractions got more noticeable, but not painful.  We had some snacks and went to bed, me letting my team know that it still seemed to be super early and nothing else to report on just yet.

I think I slept maybe an hour and a half before waking with some very uncomfortable and undeniable contractions and mild cramps.  I tried to go back to sleep, but around 11:45pm realized that sleep was not going to happen.  I got up and left Mr in bed and went downstairs to try to distract myself.  I scrolled through Reddit and put some comedy shows on TV and just moved around the living room trying to find a comfortable way to hang out.  There really was no comfortable way to be at that point.  Around 1:00 am I started timing my contractions, but they were super irregular and not very close together.  I also kept having to go to the bathroom; I'm pretty sure I pooped 4 times in a 3 hour span (not a lot in volume, just a little each time).  The only thing that felt mildly comfortable was to be on the floor leaning onto my yoga ball and sort of swaying with a heating pad on my lower back.  I kept trying to focus on staying calm and letting my body progress the way it needed to.

Around 3:00 am I felt awful and wanted to take a hot shower to see if the water would soothe me at all.  The shower felt great and I hung out in there for around 20 minutes until my fingers were pruny.  I got out and put pj's back on and waddled back downstairs when the next contraction hit.  It was definitely stronger and much harder to get through and I got REALLY HOT during it, so much so that I wanted to rip my pj's right off of me.  I figured OK, this is the real thing so I turned around and waddled back upstairs to rouse Mr for some support.  He got up and moved our bags to the front door while I texted our doulas what was happening.  We then messaged our midwives to let them know things had ramped up.  Everyone told us to keep timing the contractions and see how I felt but I think they all realized I was a bit further along when I couldn't do anything but focus on getting through a contraction.  At this point I think they were about 8-10 minutes apart and lasting about a minute to minute and a half.

One of our doula team members decided she should head over to our house and while we waited for her to arrive I just paced our downstairs in between contractions and tried to make sure we had everything ready to take with us.  As long as I was moving I could get through them!  Right before our doula, M,  arrived I started feeling super nauseous and dry heaved through a contraction... not my favorite thing.  M finally got there and while she hung out with me, Mr was in contact with our midwives and determined that I should probably head to the birth center.   We got all packed up and headed that way.  At this point it was about 5:45am.

Let me tell you that having contractions while seated in a car was TERRIBLE.  I had figured out earlier on that I needed to be able to move and mostly be standing to get through contractions so being stuck seated in a car where I couldn't sway or move was a type of hell I can't even begin to describe. I just kept thinking to myself you only have to get through 3 more of these before you get to the birth center... ok, now just make it through 2 more....  Poor Mr was trying not to speed and to drive safely, but I could tell he was super anxious to get there.

We arrived and headed into a birth suite.  The midwives/assistants all came in to say hi and to take some quick vitals.  I paced the room and then leaned on a birthing ball that was propped up on the bed during contractions while they filled the tub as I had mentioned that the shower felt good earlier and thought maybe the birthing tub would be soothing to me.  While they were busy prepping the tub and gathering supplies I was having some hot flashes and generally feeling disgusting between contractions, which were now about 5-6 minutes apart.  I got really nauseous again and luckily M had brought over a bowl because as soon as my next contraction hit I started barfing.  There really wasn't much coming up since I hadn't eaten for several hours, but if you know me you know that throwing up is one of the things I hate the most and will avoid it at almost any cost.  Moreover I was super embarrassed that I was throwing up in front of a room full of people, but I assume they see that all of the time and not a single person seemed phased or bothered.  They brought me some coconut water drink mix thing that tasted really great and had me try to eat some crackers, and M assured me that it was a great sign that I was nauseous and throwing up because that meant I was moving in the right direction (LOL, try telling someone who hates throwing up as much as me that it's a good thing! I was not amused, but I did know she was right... BTW, doulas are amazing).

Our midwife came in shortly after that and checked my cervix.  I was delighted to find out that I was 6 centimeters dilated and almost fully effaced!  I was so worried that they would check and I'd be at a 2 or 3, so that was very reassuring that things were actually moving in the right direction.  They checked babe's position and had me do some right side lunges on a step stool during my next couple of contractions to get her head turned slightly (she was head down, but apparently faced slightly to the side).  Soon after the birth tub was ready and I stripped down and put a bathing suit top on and hopped in.  It immediately felt better to be in warm water, although it was a bit too warm during a contraction so my amazing doula brought a cold cloth and put it on the back of my neck and kept giving me sips of the coconut water drink.  I don't really know how long I was in the tub, but Mr said it was around 8am that I got into it.

It seemed to me that my contractions weren't coming any closer together, however I am being assured by Mr that they were in fact only a couple minutes apart at this point.  Then I had a contraction that started out feeling like the rest had and part way through it felt like my body was just taking over and that I was probably going to poop my whole lower abdominal cavity out.  I'm serious.  I had no control, my body just started doing it and I was shocked.  I also somehow went from semi squatting in the tub to on all fours (I don't remember moving at all).  At this point one of the assistants put a clock up by the tub so she could see the time and I noticed it was around 9:00am.  I got super pumped because I felt like if I was already pushing I only had a few more hours, at MOST, of this and I could be done.  I do remember during the first or second contraction while I was pushing that I was moaning, and then the moaning turning into me saying "Owwww, fuckkkkkk...", but then my memory gets a little fuzzy.

I have been told that between contractions I would nod off for a minute before the next contraction, and then during the contractions I would start a low moan that would transition into what I can only describe as a primal but low toned yell?  I have no idea... Mr says it's like when someone is  power lifting super heavy weights and make loud warrior yells and grunts.  The midwife came in and checked me during one of these and was like, "Alright, you can start giving it your all on the next contraction because we almost have the top of her head!".  I thought to myself I really don't know how to give it anymore because my body is just sort of doing this but ok.

I don't remember how many more contractions I had, but I do remember at one point thinking that there was no way I hadn't pooped in the birth tub with the amount of force being put on my bowels.  Luckily I found out afterwards that I had not, in fact, pooped at all (thanks body, for pooping so much earlier on labor!).  Anyhow, I had a few really painful moments where I thought there was no way my  nether regions weren't going to completely split in two, but I had to remind myself that no one had ever been split apart like that during birth and that I'd be ok.  I also was trying to remember the positive mantras and affirmations that I had practiced beforehand to keep me focused and calm.  Our midwife did use some counter pressure while I was crowning, and at that point once I got past the "ring of fire" feeling pushing became a relief and I started to really try and help my body get her out.  All I could think was we are almost done and then we can go to sleep!  

Then, all of a sudden I had a super long contraction that I thought would never end, but I just kept pushing as best I could.  During that the midwife had the assistants help me turn over from being on all fours to leaning against the tub which was a feat during pushing... I honestly thought there was no way I could move, but I did it!  And just after that I felt the greatest relief of my life, and also like all of my insides were now outside of my body. it was almost euphoric how nice it felt to be done pushing and not feel all of that internal pressure any longer.

They lifted our babe out of the water and put her directly on my chest and had me recline against the tub.  I could not even believe that we were done and she was out!  J was born at 9:48am, weighed 6 pounds 6 ounces and was 20 inches long at 37 weeks 6 days ... just a perfect little bug.  She hung out on my chest for some skin to skin while Mr cut the cord, and then they had him do some skin to skin while I delivered the placenta.  It didn't really hurt at all, it was just a little uncomfortable.  I got all cleaned up and dried off and moved to the bed where we got to hang out and bond as a family for several hours which was absolutely amazing.  Our doula made us a wonderful breakfast to enjoy in bed as we gazed at our perfect little J.

All in all I was in active labor for a little over 6 hours which was so much shorter than I was preparing for.  I pushed for around 45 minutes, and despite what it felt like in the moment, I did not tear badly or need any stitches (a miracle!). And I made it without any interventions or medications, which I am super proud of.  Don't get me wrong, if you had interventions or medications I am definitely not judging you.  Everyone needs to do what is right for them.

I think the mindset of going with the flow and giving my body the space and time it needed was helpful.  One of the strategies I had employed was reminding myself to not get panicky or waste energy as I wasn't sure how long I'd be in labor and I didn't want to exhaust myself before it was time to push.  I also kept thinking about some of the amazing books I had read (Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, Childbirth Without Fear, etc.) and some of the visualizations they suggested to help your body and mind work together.

I also need to get real about what giving birth feels like, and as much as I was trying to talk myself out of pain & suffering there was definitely pain.  Nothing that you can't get through, but it wasn't a cake walk.  I said the room full of midwives, assistants and Mr at the end that "it felt like my whole life... " because time just ceases to exist during the intense parts.  When asked what it was like I responded, "Like pooping out a Thanksgiving turkey".  I am not joking, although it's a funny way to describe it, I admit.

Listen, mom's are tough.  Giving birth is probably the hardest thing I've ever done.  It's physically, mentally and emotionally draining.  Giant props to all the ladies who have done this before me and will continue to do it long after me.  And a huge round of applause to both our midwife team and our doula team.  I think people sometimes don't take them seriously because they don't always work in a stereotypical hospital setting here in the US but they are highly skilled and absolutely amazing.  The care (prenatal, during labor and postnatal) we received from our midwives was stellar, and the support from our doulas was so amazing.  I highly recommend looking into a birth center, having midwives and hiring doulas for your pregnancy and birth.

Anyway, this is super long so I will do some other follow up posts on various topics over the next couple of weeks (postpartum recovery, more in-depth info on our Birth Center/Midwife experience, doulas, breastfeeding, etc).

Welcome to the world little J!  We love you so much and are so glad you are here!