... of so many things right now. Too much to do, not enough time. Too much "stuff", not enough of the necessities. I'm a fairly organized and structured person and I'm having to take breaks and do some self care to get through it. Not that it's all bad. This will be a little bit of a dive into my inner workings- a tiny peek into my personality, how I like to structure my life and surroundings, and the things I struggle with. And I'll put this warning early on- if you proceed, you will need to read to the end of this post, lest you think I'm trying to guilt or manipulate people into doing or buying EXACTLY WHAT I WANT... which is false. But you must read on to understand. Hold on to your butts, 'cause this is a long one!
Let's start with the "too much stuff" part. Babies are pretty straightforward. They need to be fed, kept warm, kept clean, and loved. You would think they don't need that much stuff, and if you really look at it, they don't actually need that much "stuff". I've been all over the minimalist baby lists and blogs and tried to incorporate some of the tips and advice into what we are planning. I also realize that unlike some folks, we have a nice amount of space in our home to enable us to be able to provide our little one with her own room- which she may or may not use right away, but hopefully will appreciate when she is older if she is anything like her introverted parents. A side note- I hate the word "nursery" so Mr. and I have been calling it "the Baby's room". Another side note- our house is far from huge, but it has been ample space for 2 adults, 2 very small dogs and the occasional guest. I REQUIRE lots of personal space. One day I will write a totally separate post on this and how we are doing a disservice to young people by not giving them enough personal space. Moving on.
Since we have the space, we opted to get furniture for said Baby room, so we registered for a crib (that converts into a toddler bed, and then eventually to a full sized normal bed so we don't have to keep buying beds as she grows up), a changing table/dresser (that converts into a regular old dresser when we no longer need a changing table), a side table, a glider with foot stool, and a storage bench (to store future toys and books, but also sits nicely in the bump-out window space with little cushions on top so she can eventually sit and read or play there... but in the mean time is a landing spot for our dog Rudy who LOVES to look out that window). We also registered for other items that, after lots of research and wonderful recommendations from our friends and family, we carefully compiled and are hoping will help make raising this babe easier on everyone.
And then there are definitely things that we put on the registries that are "nice to haves", and won't necessarily make our lives any easier... but they will make the Baby's room cuter, or even the Baby herself "cuter"... or at least entertaining for us. We tried so hard to stay away from just getting a list of "STUFF" and checking off all of those boxes because no one wants useless items just taking up space and needing to be cleaned/organized or shuffled around the house (or garage/attic).
If you know much about me, you know that I'm a bit Type A. I don't like things to be disorganized or messy. I don't feel well when things are out of place. I need things to have a "home", and then to be in that "home" when they are no longer in use. I always strive to be prepared, but not burdened with unnecessary things. I also have anxiety and part of how I deal with that is control. If I've had a frustrating day you'll likely find me cleaning and organizing to de-stress. I need a certain type of structure to feel ok. I love To Do Lists and calendars and making schedules. And do you know what is structured and organized and that I can control? Registries.
I LOVE that registries are a thing. There is such peace of mind in knowing that someone will tell you what they think they need, and in the style and quantity that they want. You know you are then going to select a gift that they actually will want and use. And I love that I can communicate exactly what I think I will need, in the style and colors that will fit our theme and our "style". This is where you find rule followers and rule breakers of registries and gift giving. First off, let me say that I LOVE my family and friends SO MUCH, and we appreciate the heck out of them and all they do for us. I always appreciate a gift and assume that if someone is giving me something it is because they love and care about me and want me to be happy and well taken care of. Please do not take this as me complaining about gifts, because that is not in the spirit that this is intended. And now need to tell you a little story about what happened when Mr and I first got married.
Mr and I both had lived in apartments and living spaces before moving in together that necessitated us having our own "stuff" like pots and pans, baking dishes, dish cloths, bath towels, kettles, etc. When we got our first apartment together, it took us a little bit of time to get rid of our duplicated items and upgrade to real "adult" stuff together. Then we got engaged and bought a house all about the same time, which was ideal because now we would now have our OWN home to start our "new lives" in. We approached our wedding registry with the idea that we could pick what will go into our new ADULT HOME together and it will be great! We are not big on gifts for the sake of gifts, so in reality needed very little for our new home and didn't register for a ton of stuff. To be honest we registered for more outdoor and camping gear than house stuff because we knew we would actually use and enjoy those items more than a matching set of spatulas (ours were and are just fine, thank you).
For the most part, our families and friends were willing to stick to the items that we registered for, or if they knew us really well and saw "the perfect thing" would also get us very thoughtful gifts that were specific to us and our lifestyle and that we loved and cherished (in some cases, still love and cherish and use) that were not on our registry. Then we had some rogues. All told, at one point shortly after our wedding we had 5 Crockpot style slow cookers in our possession. FIVE. SLOW. COOKERS. How did that happen? I'll tell you. People went OFF REGISTRY. Which can be fine... if you know us well and you've managed to spot that PERFECT ITEM THAT YOU JUST KNOW WE WILL LOVE (I've actually gotten many gifts like this over the year and still have many of them).
The thing was, we already had 2 slow cookers from when we combined household items in the first convergence of our lives together. We had one larger slow cooker for roasts and main dishes, and then a smaller one for sides/sauces. We were perfectly content with those 2 appliances, therefore we chose NOT to add another one to our registry. Mr and I received 3 full sized slow cookers as wedding gifts. Not ones look a gift horse in the mouth (or 3), we thanked the gift givers for their generosity, and then between us hoped that we could return them and use the store credit for other items that we actually wanted or needed (namely, a vacuum that actually worked versus the cheap one that we'd been getting by with in our much smaller apartment now that we had 2 dogs and double the amount of carpet to clean in our house). We actually got to return one (thank the LORB for gift receipts) for store credit, and gifted another to someone who desperately wanted a slow cooker but could not afford one. The third slow cooker ended up donated to someone's church/school/something fundraiser because it hung out in the box, unopened in our garage for almost a year before I found it again and was like WE DON'T NEED THIS AND WE DON'T KNOW WHAT STORE IT CAME FROM BUT IT MUST GO NOW OR JEEBUS HELP ME I'LL LOSE MY MIND.
Let me pause and say this: Slow cookers are amazing. I use ours all fall and winter for soups, stews, roasts and the like. I get why people really like them and want to give them as gifts to young couples that may not know the magic of the slow cooker, but there was a reason we didn't have one on the registry- because we already knew of the majesty of the slow cooker and owned 2 perfectly good ones. I also acknowledge that perhaps sometimes someone runs out of time or ideas and just "re-gifts" an item, which may well have been the case here. No judgement, it happens, but some judgement because make sure what you are re-gifting will be enjoyed/used by that person... just a good life tip.
My point in all of this is that sometimes people see a hole where there isn't one, or a lack of knowledge where there isn't a lack of anything other than information. Someone may not have registered for an item not for lack of needing that item or knowing about it, but because they already have it or something similar or simply don't need that thing. And this is important because we are getting to the point in this pregnancy where people are wanting to buy us gifts! Which is awesome and we are BEYOND GRATEFUL that people love us so much and want to help us out. Babies are expensive, dude, and any help we can get we will take.
Anyway, so here we are with our registries and impending baby showers about to be scheduled and I'm starting to get a little bit panicky. I'm worried that we've spent time and energy researching and really thinking about what we need and want for this tiny life we are about to have and that people are going to disregard it and get whatever they want/like. I'm worried that after all is said and done I will have 100 more things added to my To Do List. I know this sounds picky or bitchy to some people, and know that I'm not so crude and ungrateful that I would ever say something negative to someone about a gift they had given me and that I truly would be thankful that I was given anything at all. I know it reflects a little of my control and anxiety issues and I completely own that. But I also want to put it another way for those people that have a hard time sympathizing:
A gentle reminder that it does not do anyone any good to have something they can't actually use or want in their space. It then becomes a project or an item on their To Do List, which is the last thing you want to add to a person's life... especially a pregnant tired person who already has a To Do List 10 miles long to get through before a baby shows up. You also may not know WHY they don't have something on their list and you may be correct that they don't know that this amazing thing exists! But you may be wrong as well. I would say that it is perfectly ok to get someone a gift that you absolutely love and think is great, but I would say that if it's not on their registry or something you know they would love to have you may also want to get something you know they want in addition to the gift you want to give (or in place of that gift you wanted to give). Please make sure you aren't causing stress and adding to people's task lists by giving them a gift. When in doubt, get a gift receipt.
Now that everyone hates me, I will say that there is a caveat to this and that is HOMEMADE GIFTS. If you craft or create something as a gift I will love and cherish that item until it disintegrates because homemade gifts are THE BEST. People that can craft or create something with raw materials and their own hands can give me whatever their little heart desires because I love that shit and I know how much time and energy and money goes into crafting. *steps off of the soapbox*
And now back I go into the pregnancy hole that I crawled out of to try to take a nap.
