Before Mr and I decided to try to get pregnant I read about a million fertility and pregnancy books. I made several trips to the library and checked out the maximum amount at a time and devoured them all. I ordered a few of the ones I found most useful/insightful from Powell's so I could keep them for reference and then started wading my way through all of the online resources for planning a successful pregnancy. I talked to my friends about it and generally started forming a "plan" on how we were going to approach this whole pregnancy and parenting "thing".
That was the fun part. I learned so many amazing things about the human body, about behavior, about the amazing products that you could get! I felt like I knew about as much as I could know ahead of time about pregnancy and what to expect and how it would be and so we determined we were READY FOR THIS. Let's do this!
So we did it.
Guys, we got pregnant pretty quickly. I don't say it as a brag because I know these things are so darn random and that some people are not as lucky and try for months or years and are sometimes still not successful. I had prepared myself to have a few months of "trying" and making sure to temper my expectation so that I wasn't disappointed if it didn't happen as quickly as we wanted it to, but we definitely got lucky. The first few weeks I felt relatively normal and I made some PLANS. I was going to exercise 5 days a week and take nightly walks and eat only organic, non-GMO foods and never drink soda (the food/beverage part was a thing that we already pretty much did, so not a huge change there). I was going to be the HEALTHIEST PREGNANT LADY THERE EVER WAS... according to my plan.
We were overjoyed! And I was a little paranoid about something "bad" happening because that is what I do, but I know how to manage my anxiety, so off we went into the adventure of pregnancy. I was re-reading my books and crying at cute commercials and ready to be the BEST PREGNANT PERSON EVER.
And then I hit the 7 week mark and thought WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY? I had this mild nausea that started mid-morning and just stuck with me for the rest of the day. And I started feeling like if I didn't get a nap in the early afternoons I was going to die of exhaustion. And cooking? Who can stand all of the smells? Why does anyone eat anything but crackers and ginger ale and the occasional gummy bear??? And can I please go lie down and take another nap? And why is bedtime so late? I can't make it through this show because it's already 8:00 PM!! I vacuumed the living room and now I need to take a 20 minute rest on the couch. Exercise? Are you kidding me? That will cut into my nap time! That first trimester is HARD and EXHAUSTING.
Most of my pregnant lady plans got put on the back burner. I did not exercise 5 days a week because it was exhausting just being awake and existing. I ate what smelled and tasted alright to me, and in minimal quantity because taking more than a few bites of even foods that tasted good was difficult. And soda (especially ginger ale) became a necessary part of my almost daily diet. Oh well, go ahead and judge me.
Then we entered into the second trimester and people were all, "Oh you are going to immediately feel SO MUCH BETTER!", and that did not happen. At 12 weeks I still felt pretty icky, although not as badly as some of our friends have had it, so I knew I was still pretty lucky. I tried to frame everything in a positive way like, "It's ok to feel pukey, because it means the HORMONES are doing their job and that baby is really in there growing", but saying that to yourself and actually feeling better are 2 separate things. This continued until around weeks 16/17 and then I started feeling FREAKING GREAT.
Like now I see what people were talking about- that 2nd trimester energy burst. I can clean the house in a single morning and not need a 2 hour nap to recover! I can get all of my errands done in a day and not feel like I'm dying! I can exercise! (just not even close to the intensity that I used to, but hey, I'm moving!) And now I'm finding the time to get back into my research and check off all of the things from my Pregnancy To Do list that I've been slacking on.
Task 1- Registry. Done!
But not without some confusion and tears. You. Guys. I have some great friends who sent me some very complete registry lists with notes on why they liked or needed something and I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL to those folks. I had lots of Facebook comments that were very similar and I spent a ton of time researching and really looking into things. And then Mr and I felt like we had assembled a pretty complete registry of the things we wanted and needed and started giving it to those that asked. And then we (but mostly me) got bombarded with ALL THE JUDGEMENT about what was and wasn't on our list. Like we aren't adults that can research what we need or want. Like we can't be trusted to pick stuff out for our own baby. I know it's not helpful to argue with people so mostly I've been letting it go and just nodding my head and not really listening when we get these fun tidbits of advice, but it is working my last nerve.
Task 2- Create a Birth "Plan"- I mean, can it ever be done until I'm actually doing the thing?
Ok, I knew this part would get people all up in my business. Here's the thing. I DO NOT JUDGE WOMEN FOR THE BIRTH PLAN CHOICES THEY MAKE. You do what you feel good about doing. I am all for supporting YOUR CHOICE since you are the one who is physically doing the thing (whether that thing be pushing a baby out of your body or scheduling a surgery to get that little one out). You want to be all medicated up and not feel a thing? Awesome! You want them to freeze-dry your placenta and make it into pills. Fantastic! You want to play magical flute music in the background and hire a birth photographer? Do your thing! So now that I'm making our birthing plan, I need people to show me the same respect that I showed them and NOT ASSUME THAT I'M AN IDIOT ABOUT LABOR AND BIRTH.
Remember when I said I jump headlong into things and research and plan until it takes over my life? Yeah, so it's safe to assume that I have read ALL of the things that could go wrong, and I know that no matter what I plan something may make it necessary for me to change that plan. I have seen so many birth videos, positive and negative, medicated and un-medicated, hospital and home (and otherwise). I've read countless books and blogs, watched documentaries, talked to friends about their experiences. I have wonderful medical care with a team of people I respect and trust that answer my questions and help give me options.
I find it EXTREMELY insulting when other moms shame me by saying things like, "Well, we will see," or ,"You don't even know what it's like" when they ask me about our birthing plans. Yeah, we WILL see and I DON'T know what my birth will be like because it hasn't happened yet, but that's why I get to create a plan! Your birth horror story is not going to scare me. The weird thing that happened to you or your friend may or may not happen to me, but it will all work out in the end. I definitely do not have a romanticized idea about birth and I am trying to figure out the best way I know how to deal with the realities of labor and delivery with the body that I have in the hands of the medical professionals I work with.
And now I'll loosely share with you what our "plan" looks like, in case you are curious. Just know that you should keep your judgement to yourself, and also maybe look at what exactly you are judging and why.
The Plan: (Flexible when needed)
*Currently we are scheduled to deliver at a Birthing Center with a team of doctors, midwives and doulas.
-Labor at home for as long as possible before heading to the birthing center.
- Use combination of meditation, breathing, visualization and relaxation techniques to work through the early phases.
-During Labor
- Free movement, intermittent monitoring, limited exams, no medications (the exception to this is gas).
-After Delivery
- Immediate skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, partner to cut cord, breastfeeding ASAP, no bath for baby, delay exams for bonding.
You may notice a few things are missing, and that's because we haven't made decisions on them just yet and that's ok. Also, our plan may change before the birth or during... we don't know what will happen! But we have prepared ourselves to be flexible when needed.
Now judge away, just keep it to yourself!
